Hey everybody. I need to start this by saying "I Love My Wife". But ever since she has gotten pregnant, I have noticed her getting some what..... unintelligent.
On the average day before we were expecting, she was the Michael Jordan to my Scottie Pippen. This girl was just always on top of things. Now?... Not so much. But as a completely great side effect, her sense of humor has gone through the roof! And not just funny but quick about it too. She may not remember what she ate for breakfast, but she will beat me to the punchline with something that is actually funny. We have been making fun of her "Farrah" moments by saying that the baby is hungry and just going after the brains. All I know is it keeps things interesting.
So far the worst part, by far, is her sense of smell/taste. I will create a culinary masterpiece and it might as well be a bowl of gizzards. Tonight I made steak and was told it tasted like liver. LIVER! And for some reason it smelled like fish to her when it was cooking.
I can't wait until the baby starts kicking her.
We get to go back in to the doctor in a week or so for another checkup. I almost didn't make it through the first one. It started out with 20 questions and ended with my wife laying naked on a table, getting probed by the female doctor. Every man's fantasy right? Wrong. So so so wrong. See when the baby is that small, they really can't see it by the conventional, I saw that on T.V. sort of way. They have to do it internally. And that is all I have to say about that. And holy Christ the breast exam?!? I was like "hey Lady, ease down. She just told you they were sore". But there went the Doc. Kneading away on my wife's chest like it was a ball of sourdough.
To all the Women who have ever had a child, I salute You.
The cool part was, NONE of the "expecting father" books say a single word about this crap. I now know why. There is no way you could drag a man into that. It was like "Alien Autopsy" in there. I couldn't look her in the eye for the rest of the day. Little hint to the publishers: That is Need to Know Information.
Speaking of those books, why? Why include all the useless info? Like the whole chapter dedicated to what she should and shouldn't eat. HAH! The chapter should be titled "What She Should and Shouldn't Eat: It's not up to you anyway." Maybe it should instead put stuff in like the difference between a changing table and a simple, old fashioned flat surface. Or how about a nice couple of lines about Breast pumps (how NOT to snicker).
Well, all I know is that the next appointment can't be worse than that one. We'll keep you posted.
Friday, December 28, 2007
The Day The Earth Stood Still....
Okay, It's taken me a while to get this going. But Aga's foot in my butt is becoming too uncomfortable. The night we found out we were pregnant, I sat down and wrote a small couple of lines to record for all posterity the greatest night of our lives, all from my point of view. So here It is, uncut and in all It's glory!!!
Day 1, aka November the 20 in the year of our lord 2007.
I have 2 words right now... Holy and Shit. The wife and I have just found out that we are pregnant. Or, as I would have said in my former years, “About to get fat”. Part of me is thinking that She has finally figured out how to pull a really good trick on me, the other part is really freaking warm from the half glass of rum that went down so smoothly an hour ago. Honestly, the only way I am staying sane right now is knowing that my wife is going to make the best mother I could ever imagine. I really want to just start calling everybody in the world, but we have agreed to only tell our parents in a very special card that will include our sonogram. So that puts off any contact with the outside world about the subject until a few weeks at the least. I kind of feel bad about having to be secret about it until then, it will be lonely in a way that I can only imagine two people marooned on a desert island must feel. But then again, Aga and I are used to it by now. And besides, It is going to make my Mom pee a little when she gets the card out of the blue.
July 30th is the date that we have figured out so far for Aga to drop. Thank god we didn't have a kid in January, that would have made something like 14 and a half family birthdays all in one month. But, if there is one thing my Wife does well, it is making plans. And holy crap I am writing about having a kid... In the present tense no less. It is just such an unreal feeling. It's always been something that happened to other people, like kidney stones or a goiter. This time it's Me that get to pass out cigars and comment on the weather over a barbecue while drinking something strong. And all the while the Wife has a horde of women doing her every chore, while giving her a pedicure and laying treasures at her feet. And sure I realize that is all illusory, and that I can forget the part about cigars, barbecue, and weather. Time to start laying in a supply of Pickles and Bacon because that is what my Woman loves. I will have to remember to read up on proper nail care, I get the strange feeling that my name is quickly going to start with a B and end with an iotch.
Worth it.....
Day 1, aka November the 20 in the year of our lord 2007.
I have 2 words right now... Holy and Shit. The wife and I have just found out that we are pregnant. Or, as I would have said in my former years, “About to get fat”. Part of me is thinking that She has finally figured out how to pull a really good trick on me, the other part is really freaking warm from the half glass of rum that went down so smoothly an hour ago. Honestly, the only way I am staying sane right now is knowing that my wife is going to make the best mother I could ever imagine. I really want to just start calling everybody in the world, but we have agreed to only tell our parents in a very special card that will include our sonogram. So that puts off any contact with the outside world about the subject until a few weeks at the least. I kind of feel bad about having to be secret about it until then, it will be lonely in a way that I can only imagine two people marooned on a desert island must feel. But then again, Aga and I are used to it by now. And besides, It is going to make my Mom pee a little when she gets the card out of the blue.
July 30th is the date that we have figured out so far for Aga to drop. Thank god we didn't have a kid in January, that would have made something like 14 and a half family birthdays all in one month. But, if there is one thing my Wife does well, it is making plans. And holy crap I am writing about having a kid... In the present tense no less. It is just such an unreal feeling. It's always been something that happened to other people, like kidney stones or a goiter. This time it's Me that get to pass out cigars and comment on the weather over a barbecue while drinking something strong. And all the while the Wife has a horde of women doing her every chore, while giving her a pedicure and laying treasures at her feet. And sure I realize that is all illusory, and that I can forget the part about cigars, barbecue, and weather. Time to start laying in a supply of Pickles and Bacon because that is what my Woman loves. I will have to remember to read up on proper nail care, I get the strange feeling that my name is quickly going to start with a B and end with an iotch.
Worth it.....
Baby O'Neil is on the way....
We are very excited to announce that we are expecting a baby for next summer. Our due date is August 1st so Aga might just get her wish and have an 08/08 baby!
Stay tuned for updates!
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