Hey everybody. I need to start this by saying "I Love My Wife". But ever since she has gotten pregnant, I have noticed her getting some what..... unintelligent.
On the average day before we were expecting, she was the Michael Jordan to my Scottie Pippen. This girl was just always on top of things. Now?... Not so much. But as a completely great side effect, her sense of humor has gone through the roof! And not just funny but quick about it too. She may not remember what she ate for breakfast, but she will beat me to the punchline with something that is actually funny. We have been making fun of her "Farrah" moments by saying that the baby is hungry and just going after the brains. All I know is it keeps things interesting.
So far the worst part, by far, is her sense of smell/taste. I will create a culinary masterpiece and it might as well be a bowl of gizzards. Tonight I made steak and was told it tasted like liver. LIVER! And for some reason it smelled like fish to her when it was cooking.
I can't wait until the baby starts kicking her.
We get to go back in to the doctor in a week or so for another checkup. I almost didn't make it through the first one. It started out with 20 questions and ended with my wife laying naked on a table, getting probed by the female doctor. Every man's fantasy right? Wrong. So so so wrong. See when the baby is that small, they really can't see it by the conventional, I saw that on T.V. sort of way. They have to do it internally. And that is all I have to say about that. And holy Christ the breast exam?!? I was like "hey Lady, ease down. She just told you they were sore". But there went the Doc. Kneading away on my wife's chest like it was a ball of sourdough.
To all the Women who have ever had a child, I salute You.
The cool part was, NONE of the "expecting father" books say a single word about this crap. I now know why. There is no way you could drag a man into that. It was like "Alien Autopsy" in there. I couldn't look her in the eye for the rest of the day. Little hint to the publishers: That is Need to Know Information.
Speaking of those books, why? Why include all the useless info? Like the whole chapter dedicated to what she should and shouldn't eat. HAH! The chapter should be titled "What She Should and Shouldn't Eat: It's not up to you anyway." Maybe it should instead put stuff in like the difference between a changing table and a simple, old fashioned flat surface. Or how about a nice couple of lines about Breast pumps (how NOT to snicker).
Well, all I know is that the next appointment can't be worse than that one. We'll keep you posted.
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